October 13, 2018

Dear J,

Please forgive me for not spending much time with You lately.  I am better than anyone I know at finding ways to stay busy.  Silly, inconsequential things that eat up my entire day.  And then I reprimand myself for not making time to even say “Hello” to You.  Kind of a stupidly vicious cycle if I am to be honest.

The worst part is that I keep running to Mr. B to tell him all my fears and concerns instead of coming to You.  I know that I shouldn’t do that, but each day I do.  I am a fickle woman.

I have been fairly concerned of late about my memory, J.  It just doesn’t seem to be functioning properly these days.  I forgot what year my daughter was born the other day.  Thankfully, I remembered how old she was and did the math to figure it out.  But it kind of freaked me out a bit.  Then yesterday, I couldn’t remember my sign in information to sign into this blog.  I finally found it after going through my password book and checking all of my email accounts.  Again I was a bit freaked out.  What is going on?

I started really thinking/praying about it and these are some of the things that came to my mind.  Of course, silly me, ran and told Mr. B before I came to tell You.  BIG SIGH.  Anyways here is what came to me:

  • Never enough sleep
  • Low blood sugar
  • My body is constantly having to work hard to combat CKD, Fibromyalgia, chronic inflammation, allergies, and liver problems.  So without sleep and proper nutrition it makes it hard for my cognitive function to perform optimally.
  • Too much multi-tasking.  I am trying to do 50 million things at one time.
  • Be fully present in each task I am doing.  (e.g. if I am journaling don’t answer phone, read texts, answer texts, play games, etc)  Simply concentrate on one task at a time.
  • Meditate on the Word.  Use the Abide app to do a daily meditation.
  • Try to write You letters every day
  • Stop putting Mr. B before You
  • Finish reading Rhythms of Grace:  Discovering God’s Tempo For Your Life

Those are some tangible steps I can actually take, J.  I need to take better care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  And it all starts with spending more time with You.

 

Prayer:  Dear Lord please return to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.  I walk away from You way more than I should.  I know I have been called to walk a fine line between the world and You, but I tend to let myself be wooed by the world way too often.

Help me to fall in love with You all over again.  Create in my heart a desire to know You on an even deeper level than before.  Please help me to have healthy boundaries with Mr. B.  If it is Your will for me to end my relationship with him please give me a clear sign.  He is a good friend, but I want You to be #1 in my life and I often think I have place him in that position instead.  Forgive me for the times that I do that.

Please give me the strength to do those things that came to my mind, about my memory issues, that are from You.  Help me to take better care of myself spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

Thank you.

Love,
your daughter

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A Sad Goodbye

A week without a word.
Silent, not a voice heard.

I am tempted to write,
But I can’t, so I fight.
The urge to contact him.
In time, this too shall dim.

It’s best for him…and me.
Time and space sets us free.
It is hard letting go.
And painful, this is know.

So, now with a sad sigh.
Eyes closed, I say goodbye.

(c) 2018 the daughter. photo credit: google.com