October 15, 2018

Dear J,

Today, I wanted to write something upbeat…something joyful.  But, I feel like a blanket of sadness has settled about my shoulders.

Nothing bad has happened.  I am not upset about anything.  Lately, I’ve just been getting these wave of sadness that wash over me.  Thankfully, they don’t last very long.  I just wish that they didn’t exist at all!

The darkness seeps in.
The inky stain soaks my pores
,
flooding out my joy.

That’s pretty much how it feels.  It’s like the dark sadness saturates my heart pushing out my joy.  But then the joy fights back!  It takes back the ground the sadness stole.  Once this happens, I feel like I am back to my normal self.

I’ve tried to pay attention and look for triggers.  However, there don’t seem to be any.  In fact, there doesn’t appear to be any rhyme nor reason to these waves.  They don’t happen when I am doing some specific activity.  They don’t happen when I am talking with one specific person.  All the places where I would think to look for triggers…they are not found.

I need your help here, J.  I know You know me even better than I know myself.  So I come to sit at Your feet.  Just like Mary did so long ago.  I believe that spending time in Your presence heals us in ways that we can’t even imagine.  As I write this letter to You, I know that You are already at work in my life.

Fixing what is broken.  Mending what has been bruised.  Healing me from the inside out.

Prayer:  Lord, first of all, thank You that I can come to You and pour out my heart.  That I don’t have to be Your “perfect” daughter.  That I can come to You with my good, bad, and ugly knowing that You will never love me less.  (I had to pause after writing that because of the awe I feel when I let that sink in).

Please help me to push back these waves of sadness that loom over my head.  Teach me ways to overcome them.  I know that nothing is too big for You.  When I hold Your hand, nothing can harm me.  Help me to walk with You through these waves.  So that I come out the other side stronger and having drawn closer to You.

I look forward to us walking together through these upcoming days.  I get a picture in my head of Jesus calming the storm.  Thank you for calming these waves of sadness.  Telling them to be still so that they dissipate.

Love,

Your daughter

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Sinful Songs

was lost, but now found.
some days – i don’t want to walk on hallowed ground.
my flesh begs to be fed.
while imperfect thoughts find ways to be said.

i know right from wrong.
yet, still i sing my sinful songs.
when will my mind return to what’s pure?
to be honest, i’m not really sure.

let my heart burn to be only Yours.
teach me to resist the world’s tasty lures.
help me to find my way back to “good.”
because it’s what i want, not because i should.

© 2018 the daughter

A Sad Goodbye

A week without a word.
Silent, not a voice heard.

I am tempted to write,
But I can’t, so I fight.
The urge to contact him.
In time, this too shall dim.

It’s best for him…and me.
Time and space sets us free.
It is hard letting go.
And painful, this is know.

So, now with a sad sigh.
Eyes closed, I say goodbye.

(c) 2018 the daughter. photo credit: google.com